So. What are family systems? Family systems can be defined as the relationships that people have and the interactions they have with other parts of the family. To illustrate this, I will use my own family as an example. The first system in my family is the relationship between my mother and father. Both my father and my mother share a separate bond with me, which creates two more systems. I also am blessed to have three siblings. They all have separate relationships with both my mom and my dad, and we all have separate relationships with each other. In a family as large as mine, there are quite a few systems. In a family with only one child, the number is much smaller.
These family systems can be quite complex as issues within one system can cause complications for the entire family. An example of this that I find quite common is the bond with mother and child. Children often times will form a much stronger bond with their mother because she is the one that is always there. This can make the bond between father and child much weaker, as dad is usually the one who spends less time within the home. This weak bond is something that should be avoided if possible and I personally think that the best way to do this is by strengthening the bond between the mother and father directly to set an example for the child. A personal example of problems in one system effecting the family as a whole is the bond that I share with my little brother. For much of my teenage years, I really struggled to get along with my little brother. This not only caused constant pressures on our relationship with each other, but also our relationships with our parents. My mom was often upset with us because of our constant bickering, and I think that often times, it caused tension between my parents because they were both looking for ways to help solve the problems. I don't think I really understood these connections until I studied family systems this week.
Something that I felt impressed to note is the fact that these systems and relationships can, and often times will, change over time. The biggest example of this from my own life is my relationships with my mother. To help you picture the situation, it is important to understand that my mother and I are very similar people in the things that we struggle with. We both have spent a good portion of our lives battling crippling anxiety. Our relationship was strained for most of my teenage years because the way we chose to deal with the anxiety was incredibly different. This is not to say that we didn't love and care for each other. In fact, it's quite the opposite. We cared for each other so much that it was more than a little bit difficult to watch each other struggle and not know how to help one another. However, as I have become an adult and moved on to college, our relationship has become significantly improved. Time, and age has effected the relationship that I share with my mom. The same thing has happened between my older sister and me. There is an 8 year age difference between us. Growing up, we were quite different because I was so much younger. There is no doubt in my mind that I was the annoying little sister. We didn't have much to relate with each other. As I have gotten older and have been able to talk to her and relate with more things, we have become much closer. The fact that relationships can change brings me a significant amount of home. Relationships are not doomed to be bad forever. People change. Families change.
So, what can we do to strengthen these family systems? I would dare say the answer to this question is obvious. Spending time together can strengthen any relationship. When we spend time with people, we are much more able to understand their individual trials and where they might be coming from when they act a certain way. Expressing love becomes a much more simple task. Spending time as a family is crucial to forming successful family bonds. There is value in strong relationships. There is "value in families."
No comments:
Post a Comment