Adjusting to Marriage? Isn't it easy?

It is not uncommon in our society for people to think that getting married will solve all of their problems. Social media is a place that people tend to want to share only the best parts of their lives and omit the negative. When young people are on social media, they are likely to be exposed to post after post of what look like perfect marriages. This can give people the illusion that marriage is the solution to combat unhappiness.

It is important for people to understand that with any change, there will be adjustments. Being married to someone is a big change. There are a lot of things that can be a stress on a relationship if there is a lack of communication. One of the ways that these adjustments can happen much more smoothly is if you communicate and PRACTICE certain habits during the engagement process. It is not enough to just talk about the habits that you want to have when you are married. You need to practice them so that it isn't a struggle by the time you are married. 

So, what are some of the things that might be a challenge in the start of marriage? I was able to think of quite a few things. The first being that you are now living with a new person. You are not entirely familiar with their living habits. Some things they do might bother the heck out of you. Maybe they aren't used to doing dishes. Maybe they leave their laundry on the floor. Maybe they are really crazy about their space being clean (or messy.) These are all things that are going to take time to adjust to. Another thing could be sharing a bed. My professor talked about this one specifically in class. Some people like to sleep cold, others prefer warmer sleeping conditions. Sharing finances and other resources might also be an adjustment. It's difficult sometimes to think that whatever possessions you have now belong not only to you, but your spouse. 

This next adjustment needed its own paragraph because it needs a little more detail. Children. Now I know that this post was mostly talking about early marriage, but it is common for couples to start having children in the early part of their marriages. This is perhaps the biggest adjustment for families.

Most divorces happen between the first and second child. My guess is that this is largely due to lack of communication with such a big change. With children, the wife's responsibilities go up significantly. Most of her attention is going into nurturing a child now. Husbands can often feel that they are not as important as the child. The husband is also more likely to feel like there are more arguments in the relationship at this point. This is because he is probably being corrected more than he has in his life. The wife knows best how to care for the child and she is going to be correcting him in order to help him learn how to care for a baby. In reality, couples are typically agreeing on more things at this stage, it just seems like.the opposite to the husband. The best way to accomplish this adjustment successfully is to communicate with each other. It is important for the mother to include the father in all the best parts of the pregnancy so that he can form a bond with the child. It is important to continue to find time to spend together. Share the responsibilities of raising the baby rather than just letting mom do all of the hard work. Child rearing is one of the most beautiful parts of a marriage.

Marriage isn't easy. In fact, it may be one of the biggest challenges in this life. It is also one of the most rewarding. I am not married, but I have some excellent examples in my life and I am pursuing an education that will help me significantly in that aspect of my life. There is value in marriage. There is value in working through challenges together. And there is value in families.