Sexual Intimacy Within Marriage

This week in class, we discussed sexual intimacy. To be completely honest, it took a lot of effort to have the maturity that it required to actually learn from the discussions. And although it was still uncomfortable, I was able to learn some things. 

The first thing that we talked about is the fact that men's and women's bodies are different. This means that sex works differently for men and women and as a result, intimacy can sometimes be a challenge if couples are not consciously trying to make sure that their partner is also having a good experience. Women tend to want to feel safe and close and warm before they are willing to be intimate. Men tend to want to be intimate in order to feel safe and close and warm. You can imagine that this would create some sort of conflict. It is not uncommon for a woman to be upset because it seems like her husband only wants sex and for a man to be upset because it seems like his wife never wants sex. 

These differences may pose challenges to the relationship such as frustration, resentment, and misunderstanding. However, we should recognize that these challenges present opportunities. Couples can learn to be attentive to each other. They are able to appreciate and understand each other better. And they are able to learn much more about each other than they would without this marital intimacy. 

The next thing we talked about is boundaries in marriage. When two people get married, they should be forming a boundary around the relationship. They should be closer to each other than to anyone else. This doesn't always happen the way it's supposed to. For example, sometimes a wife will continue to be closest to her parents, and this prevents her marriage from being as strong as it could be. 

Although we need there to be a boundary around the relationship, it is important that this boundary is more like a picket fence than a cinder block. Picket fences make it so that you can communicate with your neighbors, but the boundary is still clear. We do not want to shut others out completely, we just want them to understand our priorities. 

The last thing that we discussed that I felt impressed to talk about is who we should talk to about challenges in marriage. It is common for people to seek emotional support when they are struggling, but sometimes going to friends and family members is unwarranted and can cause more challenges in the marriage. For example (and this is a worst case scenario example) let's say that a wife has had sexual relations with someone outside of her marriage, but the couple has decided that they want to work it out. If the husband goes to family or friends, they have a bias toward him. They are going to form opinions about the wife. This is going to become another stress in the marriage. It is important that couples keep their struggles within their marriage and if it is absolutely necessary to seek help, they should seek it from a professional.

Intimacy in marriage is one of the biggest and most important bonding experiences for a couple. There is value in learning and growing together as a couple and there is value in forming families through this amazing gift that our Heavenly Father has given us.