The Family Under Stress

If there is one thing that I learned from this unit, it is that FAMILY STRUCTURE IS EVERYTHING if you want a successful family.

This week, we discussed stress in the family. I want to start by mentioning what some of the biggest stressors for family might be. Things like infidelity, death of a family member (specifically a parent), and chronic illness (again, specifically with a parent.) What do all of these things have in common that might make them so difficult for a family to cope with? You got it. They all mess with the family structure.

Family structure should look something like a big dotted circle. Within that circle are all the family members. Around the husband and wife, there should be another dotted circle. This shows that the relationship between the husband and the wife should be the strongest relationship within the family unit. When one of these big stressors occurs, it can rearrange these  relationships. Let's use chronic illness as an example. If one parent is struggling, that places much more responsibility on the healthy parent. They might even feel a little resentful. Relationships with the healthy parent and the children are likely to become stronger. The sick parent is almost excluded from the family diagram because of their inability to be a contributing part of strong relationships.

Now, it is important to understand that there are things that families can to do restore the family structure and bounce back from these trials successfully. They are not doomed to a horrible family life because they go through struggles. What a sad life that would be.

What are the hallmarks of families that deal with stress well? We discussed a few of these things in class. These families are likely to have strong relationships. They probably have excellent communication BEFORE a crisis occurs. They spend time together. They are reliable. They are willing to serve. And the last one (and the one that I personally found to be the most vital) is a strong relationship between mother and father. If the parents are united, they are able to help the family more effectively through difficult events.

We have individual trials to help us become stronger as a person. We go through family trials to help us grow closer together as a family. Although it might not seem like it at the time, there is value in trials. And there is value in families.